Done? Nothing’s done… Or at least this is how I feel daily whether I do or not do what I “feel” is enough for that day!! I sound so coocoo!!
Anyway.. I will go with my 5 To-Do things List:
- Play the piano for a minimum of 2 hours
- Exercise for 30-45 mins to feel more energised
- Spend 30 mins meditating
- Go for a walk (meaning spend sometime outside of the house..)
Maybe I will change it tomorrowwwww… 😉
This is the “dark ages” financially and professionally for me… I have had to deal with unemployment in the past, but for 1-2 months only and somehow I always seemed to be working on something else on the side or have a project of some sort..
Now I am feel quite stuck..the only light seems to be my writing and posting my thoughts on my blog these days…
I feel low right now…it is 20:59 on Thursday the 22nd of September..
Sometimes I lose hope…sometimes I feel helpless..and after so many years of working hard towards achieving my goals..and then working and working for hours non-stop with no recognition or appreciation and not getting anywhere or leaving jobs that were not for me, I feel tired and begin to wonder why I am always dreaming of something better but do not know how to achieve it outside of the reality that surrounds me..
Maybe I am not really doing something that will change my current state…maybe I am still doing the same thing over and over and that’s why I keep getting the same results.
(to be continued…)
Why do we “have” to live a life that seems so complicated? It is not complicated! To me it seems I am living a relatively straightforward life, where I say what I want..I express my emotions…but this is not reciprocated..or even understood sometimes.. (and BTW, of course…sometimes I lose my words or what I want to say and what I do say comes out as complete and utter nonsense..especially when I am afraid and I, like everybody else on this planet say half a truth or try to find a “diplomatic” way of expressing my idea…Nobody’s perfect :P)
Why is everybody so afraid of expressing themselves though?
Sometimes I feel that school has messed us up so much because as soon as we said the “wrong” thing everybody including the teacher would make fun of us and OUR WAY OF THINKING!
If only when we said something we actually meant it, but most importantly…if only everybody said what they really wanted, felt, thought…Would that really be so horrible?
The way we have learned to live now might be conflicting to all that I have wished…but…Why can’t we unlearn or change these “BAD-not so good-not so positive” habits, which are: lying, being afraid of speaking up, saying how we feel about a certain situation (positive or negative)..
As a result, sooner or later I think that we will all learn how to trust one another because we would know we are not talking bullshit.. and OH MY GOD! I just had a stupendous idea…
WHAT IF? We lived in a world..where everybody spoke the truth… or if there was a plant (I will look into this…there probably is one) that when you consume it…you can only be honest and sincere and open and exactly who you are…
I don’t believe people are that horrible…and certainly we can teach each other and learn from one another how to be better…once we reinstate trust.. and earn it…and once we start feeling comfortable with the idea….IT COULD WORK!!
Morning Routine…is there a more glorious thing than that…
I feel refreshed…NOT TIRED…amazing….ready to take on any challenge the day might bring…
Why am I afraid of practicing music?
Why am I afraid of anything really… I have been reading a book these days, that talks about musicality, music performance and all the things we can improve upon as musicians…and embrace who we are, and find ourselves again – if at some point we have lost our way – and be productive with our music expression, learning, teaching, performance…
In this moment, I feel so afraid… I am away from everything and everyone I have ever known…and I am restarting my life…trying to stay positive when I feel low..be brave and give a true chance to myself and what I want to do with music! I will not talk about my personal life…because I don’t see any point anymore in dissecting every single part of it…well, and I am in love..truly, madly, deeply….which leaves me so scared at times…it shouldn’t but I feel so open and vulnerable because of it…and I am not used to allowing myself being in it and really living it..
So, back to music…
There are no excuses anymore..I have worked very hard to be able to call myself a professional musician and not someone who just enjoys playing every now and then…but my fear of not making it…made me stop playing so many times already…and I have no excuse anymore for not going after it… My life used to be all about music..and then one day…I felt scared, overwhelmed and insecure that I stopped being in it and just practiced (well, it wasn’t true practice) with no purpose, no professional or personal goal…tried different jobs within the music and art realm and on various posts. But I was never truly happy and satisfied…a few times I dropped out of it and went back to performing until another job appeared that would allow me to have something of an income, but no personal time, and definitely no time for creating and performing music…and this has been happening for the past 5 years….so now, I have reached a “do or die” moment. It sound very strict, harsh etc. but I wanna do it…This is who I am and I cannot let fear hold me back! Not anymore…
Let’s see where it will take me…
If reality doesn’t agree with us…too bad for her!
What on earth is going on?
I heard today on the television news that a greek musician actually said, that a family of five in Greece could survive with crackers and olives instead of lamb. How could anyone say it is ok for families who don’t have enough money right now in Greece due to the unstable political and economical situation…to eat crackers and olives…
Is it really ok to say things like that out loud? What is going on in this world….
I am bored of the process of learning portuguese with a teacher! Why?! Is it my age? I think I have been feeling like this about education for the past 6 years if not my whole life (and never realised it…).
What is it about learning that doesn’t work for me?! The process? The method? The teacher? I am beginning to lean toward the idea of a more empirical knowledge. Interaction with the subject is much more fascinating.
How do we make this interesting? The sure thing is that I will not stop trying/learning + figuring it out!